I miss you

I miss you Zia. I miss you everyday, some days are just harder. As I walk in the mall and see little girls, some as little as a few months old, others now teenagers I miss you. I miss what should have been and what is already etched in my mind. I miss that I didn’t get to hold you long enough or sing you to sleep. I miss that I didnt get to wake up in the middle of the night to your crying. I miss that your brother didn’t see you or hold you or kiss your tiny face. I miss so much about you, all I had with you and all that we deserved to have together. I see you in the cool shade of the trees, I see you in the stars in the sky. I look up and I whisper a prayer and I hope to God you hear me. I see you in my dreams, when I shower, while I cook, yes I see you in the mundane. I see you in my darkest moments and in those joyous memories I have while you lived in me. I see you in your dads smile and hear you in Brady’s laugh. I hear you in the whisper of the wind and the slow tap of the rain against the rooftop. You are in everything I do and say. I carry you in my arms, in my heart, in my soul. My arms ache to feel you in them, my precious child. I feel you as the sum warms me and in the chill of the winter breeze. I feel you in everything. I hope you know that I would have given you the world at your feet, I would have given it all to have you with me. I miss you, I miss you everyday, I will miss you forever.