Does it matter? A few weeks, 20 weeks, 33 weeks, during delivery, a year, three, ten, twenty? Does it matter? There seems to be an invisible barrier created between the loss of a child during delivery and prior to delivery versus post delivery and that angers me! Whether a mother has a miscarriage at twelve weeks or her baby is stillborn or her baby is ill, dies in an accident or for unexplained reasons, it is tragic, it is painful and it is the worst thing that could possibly happen to someone. Some people believe that it is “easier” if a baby is stillborn or dies a day or two even a month after birth, i have actually heard people say that “atleast it wasnt after some years of spending time with and getting to know a child”, what bullshit, that is obviously not a “normal” person speaking, surely normal is someone with all screws intact in their brains, surely! Does it matter? Absolutely not!
You see mothers, from the moment i knew she was in me, i loved her. When i began spotting at eight weeks, i prayed like i never had before, i wished, i begged God, all because i loved her, when i first felt the flutters, i loved her, when i saw her in a scan with her legs thrown over her head, i loved her, when she kicked and flexed like a girl version of Hercules, i loved her, when she stopped moving, when her heartbeat couldnt be heard or seen on that screen, part of me died because i love her, when they handed me a lifeless baby, i still loved her, i held her and kissed her and cried because i love her, i was angry i didnt bath her or massage her or rock her, because she is mine, i love her, when i watched as a tiny coffin got pushed into a furnace, i cried, i cried so hard because I LOVE HER! SHE IS MY CHILD! MY BABY! MY LIFE! So whats my severity level, pretty high, pretty intense! At boiling point!
Dont try to sub divide grief!