Does it get easier, does it get more bearable? To these questions I have no answers. I have heard that it does, even from mothers in my situation but I can’t seem to accept that, I can’t seem to see too far into the future, a future which now excludes my daughter. I walk through life in much the same way I always have but there is a constant pain now which makes me catch my breath sometimes, a pain that even in happy times, which there are because I am a mother to my living son too, is there, the pain that is hard to explain, constant and incurable. I miss my baby girl. I hate watching tv, hate social media, everywhere I look someone is celebrating having a baby, has had one who is happily growing and living and breathing. That should have been me, she wasn’t sick, she wasn’t sick at all, she was healthy, she was active, she was so alive, but she died, she was taken, she was stolen, she is gone. It’s been 14 weeks and 2 days since she I met her and since I said goodbye, but it feels like yesterday. My Zia, my Light, how I love you.