Daily I am reminded of how truly fragile life is. Everyday you are not with me I am reminded and everyday I hear of yet another tragic untimely death of a child or baby, I am reminded. I am reminded that this life, this world is all we have, that it is not certain how long we will live for and I am reminded that there is no god, the loss of you taught me that but sometimes I wish there was a god just so I can hate him for those sick empty promises I spent so many years of my life believing and trusting in. I want to hate him for every parent who ever has to live a day without their children, who have had to bury their children. Today I reflect upon the fact that I am free from religions strong holds that held me captive, that stole precious time from my grieving, that placed shackles around my emotions. I am free to say how disgusted I am in the very concept of a god because if there was he would be a psychotic sadistic evil monster to watch his so called children suffer like this. There is no greater plan which could result from your death. It is a painful reality I live with, no greater good can ever come from your death. The best place for you will always be with me Zia.