Day 4: NOW. Today I am a changed woman, a mother who has learnt to live without and a wife who is not sure about the future of her marriage. I am irrevocably changed by the death of Zia and baby Breeze, but at the same time I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. I am able to be the breadwinner to my family and I am able to walk even when I am broken inside. I feel more alone than I have ever felt before and I am struggling to give my precious son enough time because I am hardly ever at peace within myself. I miss my daughter with every part of my being and I wish that she were here. I am a terribly anxious person and seldom am able to complete a task without getting frazzled over it. I am easily irritated and very emotional. I do love that I am still trying and that I am not giving up. I want to fine inner peace.