Capture your grief Day 5: Journal

Day 5: JOURNAL. I miss you Zia, I thought of you today as we buried the tiny remnants of yours and Brady’s should have been sibling baby Breeze in your garden. Some may think your dad and I are crazy but we couldn’t allow him/her to be flushed away down a hospital drain or even our own. Rather that forming being be one with the earth again. I thought of how significant every life is from the moment of conception, because we all began there, how then can we as human beings not value the briefest of lives. I thought about your little body that is ash now and how it lies in our home, dormant. I thought about the fact that I cannot bring myself to hold your box without aching to hold you. There are no words to express the deep longing I feel for you right now. You would be a year and two months and already playing with you brother. I was watching Toy Story 1 with your brother yesterday and I felt a deep sadness when I saw Andy, the little boy in the movie, hold his little sister and tell her she’s getting heavy. I wish you were getting heavy too and growing and messing up your brother’s toys.  Oh Zia..Zia..Zia..nothing is as it should be.


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