Hope

Glow in the Woods has started a beautiful kitchen table discussion. You can read more about it here: http://www.glowinthewoods.com

Below are my thoughts

1. What does hope mean to you?

Hope is what remains when everything you’ve ever known crumbles before you like dust. Hope is trusting that a new day will come and with it new chances to do better and be better. Hope is what allows you to believe that your living child will be okay,  even after losing your other child so unexpectedly. Hope is understanding that life is oh so fragile yet oh so beautiful.

2. What hopes did you have for your baby(ies) who died?

I hoped that Zia would dance to the rhythm of her own song, that she would grow  up strong in stature and spirit. I hoped we would have lunch together once a month when she was old enough to do so. I hoped we would laugh together and share our hopes and dreams. I had hoped I could be to her the mother I never hard. I had hoped she would be to me everything I had dreamed she would be.

3.  How has hope changed for you since your loss(es)?

Hope for me was redefined the day I held my lifeless child in my arms. I used to associate faith and hope with a God. I used to be very religious before then.  But when I held her,  so precious and fragile in my arms, she was gone with no reason why. I knew then and there that the initial place where I had placed my hopes in didn’t exist, I would have to start over. I would have to find a way to hope again and I did.

4. What do you hope for now?

I hope that I will find true peace in my way of life. I hope I can connect to the energy of the earth in my life journey. I hope to mother my son wholeheartedly. I hope to dance with him on his wedding day to “Kingston town” by UB40 while my grey haired husband looks on, tears gleaming in his eyes for a life well lived. I hope to continue to share our daughters story in the hopes of helping other families know that they are not alone and that their children matter. I hope to express my love for her everyday by allowing myself to live another.  I hope to live and love, laugh, cry and simply be.

5. What do you hope people remember about your baby(ies)

Simply that she is, that she lived and died, that she remains my child, my daughter, my Zia. She has a name, a spirit and soul.💛

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One thought on “Hope

  1. Jo-Anne, thank you for joining in our conversation. I’m just now getting around to reading this. What a beautiful sentiment, to hope to find peace in your way of life. I, too, used to be pretty religious, and I’m definitely struggling in that part of my life. I think I yearn for something like what you said, connecting to the earth’s energy.

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