Yesterday my living son turned six years old yesterday and I was pleasantly surprised at the number of birthday messages we received from family and even friends. It was very well received, obviously, I mean who wouldn’t want their child’s birthday to be remembered. But it filled me with sadness too at the thought that it was only my in-laws and fellow baby loss mamas (who I am friends with and have only been in contact with online) who sent us thoughtful messages, sent gifts and even came over to be with us on Zia’s birthday this year. There were no messages to say they’re thinking of us, no messages to tell us they remember we have another child who isn’t with us. Not even after putting status messages and profile pictures on Facebook and other communication apps.
I realise that people move on and people forget, they do not want to mark off that day on their calendars, Maybe it is simply because her life does not matter in theirs, which is understandable as most of them do not understand the pain of baby and child loss. I have learnt to accept that but it is still very sad. I do not remember every single baby or child’s day but when I do see a post or I remember at a later date, I acknowledge that day and make contact with that family. Someone on www.glowinthewoods.com once suggested that we do a calendar of our babies birthdays, I would like to revive that idea, because it truly is brilliant and ask that you post your own baby’s birthday/still birthday or death days here for me to add to the remembrance calendar.
So whether it is by email (if you are willing to share) or simply on any of the forums or on our blogs, our babies special days will be acknowledged. Your participation will be wonderful. Hopefully there will be one or two other parents who will volunteer to keep track of the dates on the calendar all year round. This year I realise how important it is to simply know someone thought of your child.