My Zia,

I am not always sad at the thought of you, sometimes I remember you and I smile. Genuinely smile and wonder about what would have been. When I think of how much I love you, there is joy in that because you are a constant reminder that love is so much more than what we see. Love is so much more than what we can say to each other every day. Love is even more than we can possibly do. Loving you has been my great lesson in love. I say that with deep passion and truth. It’s true, you were loved long before I saw or touched you but the great truth is that when you left you did not take any of it away, it still remains, in my heart, in my soul, in everything that I am and ever will be. It is there when I glance at the picture of you from a 4d scan done just a month before you died. How can you love a child you do not know one may ask, a child you have never heard, talked to or spent a day with? I answer simply that “You can”. You can, because every child is woven carefully and eloquently into the very tapestry of a mother, they are within our hearts, our blood, our cells, they are within our very being. There can be no mother without a child nor a child without a mother, we are from one another and of one another and we exist in that way. Not a corporeal child but a child, a child for which you prayed for, a child for which you hoped for, a child you dreamt of, a child whom you love, a child whom you carried, no matter how short that time or how long. You see Love is what knits our souls together Zia, it’s what will always be the proof of your existence, the proof of your significance and the proof that I will love you forever.

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