Everything felt strange when I lost Zia, the fact that I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest all the time, the fact that I didn’t feel the smile I showed to the world, the fact that on some days, after being a mother to my son for 4 years, I didn’t even know how to be a mother anymore, I didn’t know how to be me, I didn’t know how to be anything without her. I felt strange in a world where babies died because I never expected any of it. My skin felt like it didn’t fit, my mind was all over the place, I just didn’t know what was normal anymore. But the more I accepted that this was a horrible tragedy, the more I heard the stories of other mothers and fathers like me, the more normal I felt, I was a normal grieving mother and my heart was torn to pieces. I needed to pick up those pieces and when I started to learn that there was nothing wrong with me, I started to remember the mother I once was and merge her into the mother I am. I learnt to enjoy my son again and I learnt to remember my daughter. It was not easy, I still struggle at times but I am braver now than I used to be. It was a long road and there were often times when I wanted to give up and give in but I simply couldn’t. I believe I learnt how to normalise my grief. There was nothing odd about it!