946 days

Its been 946 days since I last saw or held her but if I stop to think about it, it hits me like a tidal wave, I feel like I am caught in this rapid current, getting washed away to nowhere and this wave just destroys everthing in its path. 1172 days since I first discovered I would be a mother of two, since I found out my family was growing.

When I first found out I was pregnant with my son I was just 24, I didn’t know what to expect and I was terrified in all honesty. I couldn’t believe I was pregnant just two years after getting married. I wanted more couple time with my husband, I wanted to be older when I got pregnant, at least 30 I thought. I grew to adore teh idea after a week or two, the idea of a little person growing inside me. I found it felt pretty awesome, the best thing in the world. Although, I was not ready for him initially, he was there and I was thrilled.

With Zia, I was 28 and ready from the start, we were ready. Our son was almost 4 and he needed a sibling. So that December in 2012, we were granted our wish. I cant seem to get my mind around the fact that she is just now here. I imagine how wonderful it would be to have two children playing and making a noise, fighting over who gets to watch what and when. 946 days later I see my son playing alone and it breaks my heart, it breaks my heart to know that he will probably never have another sibling. But he does have one, we just said goodbye 946 days ago.

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