Sometimes I can’t believe how long it’s been since you left me. I can’t believe I can say it’s been over two and a half years. That’s a really long time to be away from someone you love. But that’s how it is. I allow myself the luxury of thinking about you sometimes, more than just that thought that my child is gone but the thought of where you are right this second. Do you see me? Do you feel sad because I am? Do you try to comfort me? Are you with your cousin and grand father, my grandparents, where are you? Back when I was religious, I still believed that those gone before me were around me, I still believe that. I can’t feel you though. I wonder if I ever did. Did I imagine the things I felt those hours and days after you died. I am always searching for you Zia, searching for something that will prove you’re with me yet when I see a sign, I question it. Life with out you is hard at times as I thought it would be but I have adjusted well enough. I am still Brady’s mummy and I love that. I miss you always and wish you were with us but I cope. We cope. I don’t think we have a choice really, the good days are good, the bad days bad and there are days in between. I just wanted to say that I thought about you. I love you child of mine.