Dates, so many dates, so many constant reminders of what life should have been, what is isn’t , what it will never be. But the dates get easier to cope with as time progresses. I hear 16 July and it’s Zia’s day, her still birthday in 2013, her rememberance day ever since. Not that I don’t remember her everyday. Or experience the absence of her. I don’t know when she died for sure,a day or two before, who really knows and maybe I find some comfort in not knowing when her soul left it’s home within me. She moved on Saturday but not as much as I would have liked, Monday she moved a little too, or did she, it’s been three years so the memories are somewhat distorted, changed. On Tuesday, 16 July I went into hospital for the third time in three weeks. And was told "there was no heartbeat". The date became incredibly significant, the date the light dimmed. The date when her heart stopped beating is still unknown. What would knowing achieve?
I typed 23 March 2016 today, the date of an important meeting at work, also the date my mother died, a date amongst others now. The day started like any other, like 29 October 2015, the day my father died. I wonder often of the spirit realm, I believe there must be one, beings as magnificent as human beings cannot simply end, we must continue on somehow, our souls reeased from our earthly bodies, journeying onward and on.
Earlier on in my grief journey I didn’t want to believe that but I do now. Not in any all powerful magnificent being who is above all else but in the existence of a higher realm where our souls meet and live outside the human experience. I read some books which paint a lovely picture about the spirt realm, I have a simple picture in my mind, my daughter with her cousin Jadene, her dates 12 May and 20 December, her grandparents, my grandparents, favourite aunts and uncles, on a beach somewhere, building sandcastles. I don’t believe there is a concept of time there but I do wonder if they remember dates the way we do, birthdays, death days and everything in between. Dates we hold so dear.
I have read of couples getting divorced over dates, he or she didn’t remember a wedding anniversary or a birthday, I have heard of families who stop speaking to eachother because of missed dates, we really love and cherish dates. They ground us, they are our link to events in history.
Dates, dates, dates. Today I simply have dates floating around in my mind.