Sometimes I wonder who I actually am, I mean there are different facets to everyone’s personality but somehow I feel a real shift in the me I see in mirror. There is the me that makes an appearance every now and then, the silly me who laughs at things that are actually funny, but she is often over shadowed by the me that can’t laugh at a joke to save her life.
There is the hopeful and reasonably positive me who is loving and caring and allows herself to be insanely in love from time to time despite the challenges one faces in a marriage and then there is the me that is negative and doesn’t believe my marriage will make it through another year.
There is Braydon’s happy mother who is enjoying her son growing and reaching his milestones but there is Zia’s mother who is completely numb and miserable and who simply wishes this terrible death month away.
There’s the me that wants to see the light at the end of the tunnel but there’s still the me that is trapped in a self made darkness, refusing to pick herself off the floor or open her eyes long enough to see the crack of light from the door that’s been ajar all along.
There is the me that is artistic and creative and loves to experience new things, but there is the me that procrastinates and can’t finish any project she commences.
The wanderer that sees this life as an adventure, not a slave to existence. But there is also she of little experience, who is afarid to taste freedom.
So many sides of me and yet there are days, much like today, when I don’t recognise any of the me’s above and I can’t relate to any one of them, days when I am as lost as the seconds ticking by on a clock.
I wonder if there is a me I identify with more, which one would she be?
So many of me emerged long before Zia died, but after, I found that I was being split even more, everyday I could identify a different side of me, some I appreciate and welcome, but some, some I would rather forget about.
Do you recognise the facets of you?