Normal days

This day is spent in much the same way every year since she died,
I come to work as I did then, I go to meetings, it’s a normal day,
and like every year since, I read my emails from 15 July 2013,
I haven’t deleted them,
baby list sent to my sister,
party plans for my son’s birthday in August,
plans for finances with hubby for when the baby comes,
plans for a pizza lunch,
a normal day,
last normal day I ever had,
I read them over and over again,
It doesn’t change,
Those plans were made,
she was there,
I was waiting…

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2 thoughts on “Normal days

  1. I am too scared to go back to that last day, to look at the old emails, the pictures, the moment when time stopped for me (I am just over 10 weeks out from my loss). The last emails I sent were to my colleagues saying I was heading to the hospital, and to let my students know, a facebook message asking for advice on whether my away message should say I was on maternity leave. Turns out i did not need that advice. It is too painful to acknowledge the pre-May4th me. Thinking of you and Zia in this difficult month.

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