When Joy and Pain Coexist

It’s the fourth Christmas without you,the fourth time we decorated the tree,
the fourth time we hung up the ornaments of remembrance,
The years have passed quickly,
time after all is a slave to no man,
let time pass, I say bravely,
it will not diminish my love for you,
I feel your absence like the skin on my body,
I feel it like the ache of my bones and muscles after a long day,
it eases and returns,
eases and returns,
there were days when I was crippled by sadness,
days when I was drowning in madness,
I reached for anything that could steady me,
I fell several times and got up again, wobbly,
but I realized that the unsteadiness I felt wasn’t foolishness,
the only foolishness was in denying the absence I had grown accustomed to,
I am a crippled happy fool now,
I smile and I laugh because I live in harmony with the pain,
The pain is real,
The joy too,
It is as real as I am,
I cannot exist without either.

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One thought on “When Joy and Pain Coexist

  1. I am so sorry that we share this loss, my daughter Ruthie Lou died in 2011. I am releasing a book at the end of January to help support families when they learn their child has passed away or that their life will be brief, and I would be honored for you to look at it. I would love to send an advanced copy in exchange for your honest review. Please email me if you are interested. amielandsauthor@gmail.com or http://www.amielandsauthor,com

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