Capture your grief Day 19 – MUSIC

There are a few songs but I would like to share the lyrics to “Darling I do” by Landon Pigg as it has and will always remind me of Zia…

Golden leaves looked brown to me,
The world had less color without you
Shapes in the sky, looked plain to my eye,
The world had less color without you

I know pleny’ of people with eyes closed
They don’t see you like I do
Darling I do

Notes on the keys, meant nothing to me
The world didn’t sing without you
Birds in the trees fell silent for me
The world didn’t sing without you
Without you

I know pleny’ of people with eyes closed
They don’t see you like I do
Darling I do, darling I do see you

I know pleny’ of people with eyes closed
They don’t see you like I
I know pleny’ of people with eyes closed
They don’t see you like I know

Pleny’ of people with eyes closed
They don’t see you like I do
Darling I do, darling I do, darling I do,I do,
Darling I do, darling I do, see you
Courtesy of A-Z Lyrics

Capture your grief Day 18 – SEASONS + SYMBOLS

I have always associated Zia with the winter, it was the season in which she was born and died, it is the season during which I had my happiest moments of hoping and my saddest moments of despair. I remember the chill in my bones the morning I went into hospital to hear that she was gone, I remember wrapping my coat about me and feeling the chill on my cheeks and nose. I remember the cold nights without her and how I felt like I would never be warm again. But then one winter later yellow flowers started to bloom in our garden and the yellow butterflies would visit and play. Yellow became her colour and I would see it every where, yellow roses, yellow Proteas. Those are some of the beautiful things that Zia lives in, her messages of love to our family. There are so many but I wpould like to share these today.

Capture your grief Day 17 – SECONDARY LOSSES

When Zia died, it was a shock to everything I knew, a shun to everything I believed in, a realization that everything I considered to be true wasn’t, it was a question to my very existence as a human being. The me I knew then died, she was and is no more. I lost friends in the aftermath, family, religion, faith and even hope. I was reborn and I have made new friends, I recognize what family is and I cherish those people with my who heart, I lost my religion but I am free to love myself and those around me in a way religion never allowed me to. I am able to accept people for who they are, see their goodness through my own eyes, I have gained some faith, in my own efforts, in those around me, I can acknowledge success and attribute it to hard work, I can acknowledge goodness and attribute it to humanity at its best. I don’t know that there is a god but I believe in spirituality and that there are forces of good as there are forces of evil and whether there is just one way to find goodness, I do not think so. I hope every day and I take life one day at a time. I won’t stop hoping for the best even though I have lost my child, I have to continue hoping for those left behind.
Image from Google Images

Capture Your Grief Day 16 – CREATIVE GRIEF

I started to take pictures soon after Zia died in 2013, but life sort of got in the way and I haven’t taken as many as I would like to. I am writing more in these last two years, working on a book I hope to publish some day, compiling poetry I would like to do the same with. This year I started Art Therapy, I started colouring a beautiful piece i will share later this weekend, for now that is what I have been doing.

I also finally started collecting crystals and seashells, I have always had a deep love for crystals but after Zia I felt more connected to them in some way. I want to do so much more and I will but for now that is about as much as I can manage. Everything beautiful always reminds me of my children because they are beautiful and my life is beautiful with them, whether here with me or in my heart.

Capture your grief Day 15 – WAVE OF LIGHT

On this 15 October 2015 I remember my sweet daughter Zia “Light” who lives in my heart and soul. I remember Baby Breeze who was with me for the briefest time but whose existence mattered. I will share my candles this evening once they are lit. For now I would like to firstly write about what this day means to me. As much as it saddens me when it comes around, I know I am not alone so I participate with the parents around the world with my whole heart. I always light a candle for other babies, some I know by name through my online friends, others I don’t but I keep them in my thoughts. This community grows every day and it breaks my heart so much, the hardest part is that there are incredibly beautiful people in it. Supportive, kind, caring and amazing in so many ways. These are wonderful people who give so much of themselves to uplift another, even in their own struggles, they are there to shed some light in another person’s darkness. I don’t know where I would be without my friends at Glow in the woods ( and so many other forums. I found them during a dark time and they helped me find my way into some light. It has not been an easy road but without them it would have been even harder. I already see this community working hard to reach out to the newly bereaved around the world like through the Grieve Out Loud Pen Pal programme ( So all I want is for this work to continue and support as many broken hearts as is possible.